


Between Reality and Thoughts

by Moon0618



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Boys In Love, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Post-Episode 5, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-16
Updated: 2017-05-16
Packaged: 2018-11-01 12:17:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10921656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moon0618/pseuds/Moon0618
Summary: This precious boy, his Isak, his beautiful always sees the best of him, always holds his hands, holds his heart and keeping him warm with love, that one thing he needed most and what did Even do as return, hurt him.





	Between Reality and Thoughts

**Author's Note:**

> This is kinda a sad but I just want to write it down, I hope you like it guys :)
> 
> English is not my first language, sorry for the mistakes

Just before drifting into the sleep, after long and tiring day, they come back he can feel it. He can feel it even deep into his bones, those the most unwanted thoughts, the most scary and disturbing ideas, tingling around his brain, making him uncomfortable and there’s nothing he can do about it. He never be able to stop them before and he knows he can't stop them now either. 

Isak sleeping right next to him, Even can hear his safe and sound breathes and it supposed to make him happy, make him feel better even for a bit but Even also knows that there's no turning back now, his mind get in that disgusting black hole again, so he just can't stop his mind from working. He should've been sleep by now but all he's doing was stare at dark room and think. He kept thinking about Isak and how he got hurt because of him everything he did in his life every choice he made, lead him today and Isak got hurt. Everything that happened feels unbearable for him. He was at the bottom of a endless hole and he doesn't know how to get out, he doesn't even know how he manage to get out in the first place but he knows, he never think about it when he was with Isak.

This precious boy, his Isak, his beautiful always sees the best of him, always holds his hands, holds his heart and keeping him warm with love, that one thing he needed most and what did Even do as return, hurt him. He knew, he's gonna hurt him, he did even warn Isak but what Isak did was just kept holding him until Even let himself believe that maybe maybe he could be good for his boy but it didn't happen like that and now he was drowning in that old idea, that idea of keep telling him that what's best was put an end to his misery but he also knows he could never do such a cruel thing to Isak. So what he needs right now is Isak to wake up and help him through his most blacked thoughts. He needs to feel Isak's warm thoughts on his cold ones because time like this all he wants is feeling better and his wrecked mind keep telling him the only way feeling better is not to feel at all but he also knows he can’t have that now.

He just hates night like this, it was almost a year ago since he had one of these, everything becomes heavier and he doesn't have the strength for swimming through the surface, so he lets those cannibal ideas coming down on him like some kind of monsters and pulling him down and down until he starts to crying because life was too much and he's too less for handling with it. He wants to be a faithful person times like this because he knows that strong faith could help you out of this worst thoughts just because it's known as so wrong but Even lost his beliefs long time ago, so he was all alone again. Then he feels bed shaking a bit  
“What’re you doing baby? Why don’t you sleep?” Isak asked with sleepy voice. His green eyes looking at Even half open half closed  
“Couldn’t sleep” Even tried to smile but he failed and turn his head from Isak with disappointment  
“Babe! You okay?”  
“I don’t think so Issy” then Isak holds Even’s face and turn him to himself  
“What’s wrong? If this is about those boys, I’m sorry but you’re not running away from that again! You’re gonna tell me what happened. And I’m gonna keep holding you, you know that, right?” Even pressed his eyelids and nod his head slowly  
“I don’t deserve you Issy”  
“Ohh really because I always think that I’m the one who doesn’t deserve you beacuse you’re cooking, usually cleaning and socializing. If it were up to me, I'll be rotten in my room with an empty stomach. Don’t you think?” this made Even smile a little for real this time, he knew his boy could make him feel more alive  
“Yeah, probably” Isak put a kiss on Even’s cheek  
“You know I think the reason I don’t want to tell you, is not because of what’s happened with them but it’s because where did their behavior lead me to”  
“What’d you mean?”  
“I did something Isak, I did something bad”  
“What did you do Even?”  
“I tried to hurt myself.” He couldn’t say the words but he knew Isak will understand what he meant by them. And he doesn’t wanna look Isak, he doesn’t want to see hurt on his face, he didn’t want Isak to think he’ll do it again everytime he feel depressed, he just didn’t want any of this to happen but it was too late now  
“Evi, baby look at me” Even did  
“I’m right here with you baby, I’ll never leave you alone but you gotta let me be there for you Evi. I won’t let you drown in those bad places, you know I won’t but you gotta stop thinking that you’re bad for me okay? You’re what I need and I’m what you need. We’re Romeo and Juliet but nicer version and Princess Vivian will always save you right back. Right?”  
“Say you love me Issy”  
“I love you Even. Don’t worry I love you enough to not let you go” finally tears filled on Even’s eyes and start to fell down on his cheeks. And he felt lighter than before…

**Author's Note:**

> Well, what're you think about this piece of work? Was it good or bad?


End file.
